with your own penis?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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