im six kinds of drunk right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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