so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My feet surprised me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
