Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
