You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
