You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
