Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
