She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
