girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
