I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
