omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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