she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
