Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
