Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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