I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
