I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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