the day after is always just damage control
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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