think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
