There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
