You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
