Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
