but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
