apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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