I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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