It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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