That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
