can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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