he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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