I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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