Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
