i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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