my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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