where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
