After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
