Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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