I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
