she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
