u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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