we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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