Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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