why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
