He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
