I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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