how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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