So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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