I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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