I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
