Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
