fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
