oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
