I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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