I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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