Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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