I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
