Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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