Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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