Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
