on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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