You just made me feel so damn special
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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