Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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