I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
