just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
