I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
