Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
