So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
