'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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