I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I did not marry a roomba.
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