I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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