kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
