just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
