god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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