And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
