i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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