i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
